These Advice shared by My Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."